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English Jokes & Funny Stuff

Discussion in 'ENGLISH' started by rebecca_uk, Feb 25, 2009.

  1. ionika2

    ionika2 New Member

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    When NASA started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work at zero gravity.
    To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that wrote at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. The Russians used a pencil

    A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience was different each week so he did same tricks over and over.
    The problem was, the captain's parrot saw all the shows and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
    He started shouting in the middle of the show: 'Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table. Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?' The magician was furious but, as it was the captain's parrot, he could do nothing. Then one day the ship sank and the magician found himself floating on a piece of wood with the parrot.
    They glared at each other but said nothing. Finally, after a week, the parrot said: 'OK, I give up. Where's the boat?'

    I stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered: 'Yeah, three males and two females.' Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference. He said: 'Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone.'

    http://goo.gl/wwCoL
     
  2. IVAN__V

    IVAN__V Member

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    Occupation:
    Survivor.......of countless world ends.
    Location:
    Moving through Universe at 552 km/s
    Just after the 911 incident Putin calls Bush:
    Putin: I just saw what happened and I'm deeply saddened. On behalf of my country I offer you our sincerest apologies.
    Bush: Thank you very much.
    Putin: I saw what happened with the towers and the Pentagon...all those archives lost in the fire. But don't worry we've got copies of everything.
     
  3. Ashan

    Ashan New Member

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    No mouth job? Aye, bad dentist...
     

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